I have been feeling lately like I might be invisible to the opposite sex-- like perhaps God put some sort of special Harry-Potter-esque-frock on my person that prevents men from seeing me. I mean, literally men walk into me without stopping. I get bumped into in overly spacious rooms without so much as an "um, oops" or "dude, sorry." I feel like I could be standing naked at a stop light (I have NO idea why I would be naked at a stop light) and no one would even think twice or notice. Last night, though, my worst fear was confirmed. I am not invisible to all men. God has, for some reason, removed the frock for the men at Lowes. Yay! (biting sarcasm here).
After a long day (10 hours) of work at the running store, I remembered that I had a bit of a "situation" at home. Please note that this has never, ever, ever happened to me before but yesterday morning, on my out the door, the toilet overflowed!! It has threatened to overflow before but just enough to scare me. The water would rise up almost to the tippy-top of the toilet and then go back down again. When this has happened in the past, I stand and watch the water rise and then at the precise moment the water goes back down, I do a fist pump in the air and then go on with my life. Yesterday morning, my life changed dramatically: the toilet called my bluff! As I was standing over, anxiously watching, the water rose to the tippy-top which was not cause for alarm but then, the water rose past the tippy-top and out onto the floor in an angry rush! The water covered the floor in seconds flat. "What do I do, what do I do?" I ran around screaming and then turned the water off with the turny-thing next to the toilet. I didn't even know which way to turn it--instinct must have just taken over (notice how proud I am of myself for doing this, though) :-)
So, ten hours later, I am completely haggard and walk into Lowes with my short, black running skirt, running shoes and Nike tee that reads, "My fast is faster" (whatever that means). Up and down the plumbing aisles I weave in search of the item my Dad says "everyone should have" and I "should have bought years ago": a plunger.
Finally, a man, Tyrone, comes up to me and asked me if I needed help finding anything. I told him what I was looking for and he says almost under his breath, "you're beautiful." Um, okay, I know I should be grateful that he can see me or whatever but I AM BUYING A PLUNGER here! This is NOT the time to hit on me. I tried to stick to the subject at hand until he told me that he would like to take me to supper and some clubs. If you know me, you know that I am not exactly a club person. Perhaps it is my complete inability to dance to music other than classical. Perhaps it is the fact that I learned some dance moves in third grade at the school Sock Hop (don't laugh) and still employ them when the situation arises. Basically, I am no club-goer.
I finally told Tyrone that my boyfriend would be upset with me for attending the club function with him and that I would have to, respectfully, decline his invitation. Plunger in hand, I left the Lowes, went home and fixed my toilet-all by my lonesome.
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P.S. I was mentioning my fictitious boyfriend, who I call on in cases such as this. He has saved me from many bad pick ups in the past :-)
Lowes! Who knew it was the new Starbuck ;) Maybe you could take your running skirt-wearing, no-club-going self to Starbucks and try to pick up a barista. Or a reader. They are superflous there. Anyway, I'm proud of you for fixing your toilet and I'm thankful for fictitious bf, whom we shall call Johnny. Like in Tree Grows in Brooklyn :)
OH Ter, that is such a good idea. While I do love the idea of Johnny, as did Francie's mother, I must say he was not the best hubby ever. Perhaps he will make a better fictitious bf? And, he has had many years to grow as a character...
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