Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Here I stand and there goes the bus

Lately I've been having this feeling--like I've missed the bus.  Only in this instance, the "bus" is life.  Not life as in life or death but life as in "my friends are married and have babies and I am single with a dog."  I am not discounting my life or my accomplishments because I love where I live and I enjoy my work and I have run a few marathons but I still have this feeling like maybe my tape is on pause while everyone else's seems to be moving steadily along.  


I don't always feel this way but tonight as I stood on the back steps listening to my neighbor tell me about her nose job that she will be getting this summer, I looked at her and couldn't imagine what this girl could possibly tweak to look better than she already does.  And then I got to wondering, "where does she have money to get a nose job?!"  (As a side note, the latter question is one that comes from listening to hours upon hours of Dave Ramsey on public radio and promising to "act my wage" and pay cash for e-very-thing.)  This thinking only lead me to be silently jealous of people with double incomes and then, THEN I got to thinking about how I am not a half of a double income and THEN I realized "oh yeah, I am single.  That's right."  It is a vicious cycle.  A vicious cycle indeed.  


I guess, if I am honest, I also feel this way because every time, or nearly every time, I open my email there is yet another engagement anouncement or another baby being born to another happy couple--a happy dual income couple, at that.  


I realize that this blog looks a lot like sulking and I know I didn't send invites to my pity party but here I stand and over there, there is the bus.  The bus that I seem to have missed.